We have been busy bees over here at Cramp My Style. Media Bistro interviewed my biz partner Erika and I recently about launching a company in a tough economy. It’s a terrific Q&A with some really smart women who happen to be me and Erika. B. T. Dubs, One of my greatest qualities has always been modesty. The interview got me thinking about all my press coverage over the years. Which has been the most embarrassing slash awesome? I leave that for my therapist, and you, to decide.
My first time in the Press was in The Naugatuck News to discuss plans for the annual Flea Market at Salem School, where I was enrolled in the 1st grade. At this time I went by the name “Mary” in the papers for legal purposes. Also, between you, me and this blog, this photo was totally staged. I completely remember them pulling us out of class and positioning us. These kids were not even in my grade and everyone knows when you are in 1st grade there is no way in hell you talk to kids in the 4th grade. Are you nuts? I mean I am still wearing baby clothes for crying out loud and the girl on my right is in a collared blouse! My little baby hands couldn’t even clasp a button for crying out loud! And I’m pretty sure my mom still did my hair. (Notice the sideburns)
My next star turn was in the fifth grade when I shared the spotlight for my win for best poster for “Fire Prevention: Everyone. Everyday.”
And as my Gramma pointed out when she sent us the clipping “They forgot to go down for the picture.” No, that is not me in the photo. Although I did have the same haircut as this young boy, Jamie. Although I was nicknamed Mark this year until the haircut grew out. And yes, we forgot to go down to The Naugatuck News for the Photo Op. What can I say? I was a busy girl. I was 11. I had A LOT going on. No time for every press engagement. I was busy working on my ideas for global change, as evidenced by my commitment to fire prevention. And watching Saved By The Bell back to back to back to back every day from 5-7 pm on channel 5.
7th grade. Just 2 short years later and I was ready for my close up. Really ready. I could not be more poised for the camera. Look at that face. So comfortable and full of pride. A true media whore. It’s not that I was embarrassed to be photographed for the The Naugatuck News wearing my full costume and carrying my trophy. Oh did I forget to mention that I was an Irish Step Dancer for fifteen years traveling all over the place from California to Calgary? I will give you a moment to catch your breath.
Now, back to the photo. The photographer came over on the WORST HAIR DAY of all time! I mean com on mom! Obvi if I was going to be in the paper let’s wait ’till I could have my hair down! Yikers.
Scunchie, bang waterfall and fake curls created by aqua net? Wow. The 7th grade bad hair day tri-fecta. I remember so clearly standing for this photo and cringing as the flash went off. This was during my “no teeth smile phase”, when I was self-conscious of my enormous mouth so I never smiled with my teeth showing. I remember thinking to myself as I stood there, trophy in hand, “Please God, let this be a tiny, tiny blurb in the back of the classifieds. These bangs can not go public. Ug.” And then the paper came out and boo-yah. My prayers were not answered.
The Naugatuck News, which at the time was my rival newspaper since I was a paper girl for the Waterbury Republican American, printed that picture as large as possible in the “Features” section. The font they used was, I’m guessing, 72 point. I nearly died when I saw how big my face was in the news, and worse, my rat nest of a ponytail, schrunchie surprise curl bomb on top.
Also side note: Both The Naugatuck News and The Waterbury Republican American went under. I take full responsibility for both papers’ declines.
My next turn in the press was not for my awesome Fire Prevention Poster abilities or smooth Irish Dance skills, no, it was for what a dump I kept my dorm room.
The year was 1999 and there was an up and coming star named Jon Stewart who just took over The Daily Show. He was on the cover of Link Magazine, a college magazine that was a client of my sister Natalie’s. They were looking for an extra messy college kid and what do ya know? They came to my dorm room at NYU on 3rd ave and gave my roommate and I free makeover of our little cell, I mean room. It was just like all those shows that are on TV now, but this was before all that.
The part I liked best about the “before” picture was that the photographer captured the fact that we just scotch taped pictures we liked from magazines directly to the blinds. True style.
She really was a magician. We kept it this clean for about :30 seconds.
The next page is where I had my debut in a color magazine, as the stone cold gangsta I am!
I don’t know under what pile she found that little passport photo but hey, the world had to see the real me. Don’t be a hater.
I didn’t make it back into print until 2010, although the picture is actually from 2002. Yes, this pic was in Rolling Stone last winter when Jimmy Fallon was on the cover. And that’s lil’ ole me in the background. Just an average night in the writers room at Saturday Night Live.
It being 2002 I was rocking my “Post Y2K” Look. Not seen in the photo is my pin striped blazer from Jennyfer in Paris, which I wore to work when I had to look professional. And as everyone knows, blazer = professional. Obviously this was an extremely professional work environment.
And that brings us to today. I think my latest interview on mediabistro.com about launching our media agency Cramp My Style is not nearly as impressive as almost having my picture taken for the Naugy News for beating out 298 4th and 5th graders to prevent Forest Fires. Speaking of which, whatever happened to my fifty dollar savings bond? (I’m looking at YOU, Dad)
I totally had that same dorm room setup at NYU, until I had a giant fight with my roommate. She ran a guest list for The Palladium from our room’s phone, wore plastic pants all the time and used my dishes without washing ‘em, but the problem I had with her was that she left her dirty underwear on the floor.
consider yourself lucky if that was your complaint. One word: nudist.
you don’t even wanna know what the one word is to describe MY college roomate.
Didn’t gramma L mean that the photographers forgot to aim the camera down for the photo? Since you are so mini?? And, Um, that is MY copy of LINK, i’ve been looking all over for it!
OMG! I just love these trips…AND PICTURES…down memory lane. Such a funny blog, Mare. Yes, I still did you hair in 1st grade or at least tried…and c’mon look how cute you were. Now, in regard to the rat’s nest, I had nothing to do with that!…through no fault of my own, ha ha! And, don’t worry, we still have that savings bond for you…just been saving it for a rainy day!
hey! my comment didnt get posted!! do I smell foul play?
I like the short hair from the nyu days, you?
What a great post – enjoyed touring your life
Aw, thank you! So sweet!!! You ain’t seen the half of it my mousey friend. This is just the public information! Wait until I start divulging the secrets.
I love your blog by the way. I read it every time you post and send it to my sis. Love my philosophizing mouse. 